El Viaje

Have you ever loved someone so intensely and deeply that it brought out the worst of you? But then, after an intense fight, en la que se dicen hasta del mal que van a morir, you have the most exotic, erotic, passionate, make-up-sex-ever?  

Or so you think. 

And then, you get (or give) flowers, go out, have dinner, dance…and of course fight again.  But, this time –ay Dios mío- el sexo es tan rico que you can’t walk for days…

But, llegas a la casa y you know que estás en deep water and about to go down…

Well that’s how I remind myself, everyday; that just because it was fun, doesn’t mean it was good, just because you are touched doesn’t mean you are loved, just because you saw, doesn’t mean it exists…

And just because you breathe, doesn’t mean you live.

No, I’m not a rebel.  No, I’m not crazy. (I heard the first one today, a friend sent me a message stating that some girls are worried about me… creen que estoy demasiado radical y que a los hombres eso no le gusta, come on, this ain’t no Tea Party! The second one, I heard it like dos semanas atrás, there is a rumor that I flipped out in 2004 and nunca recuperé…bendito: “Se quedó loquita”, dicen.) 

Miren señoras y señores, si ser rebelde y estar loca quiere decir, ser feliz, pues sí lo estoy, mas no lo soy….porque si lo fuera, se acabaría la búsqueda.

Todos los días escuchamos, “Carpe Diem”, “Seize the Day”, “Go with flow”… have you really analyzed its repercussions? Did anyone really tell you that in order to understand those phrases and to live by its words you must be patient?

Yes, to enjoy the ride, you must wait and, mi gente, it’s a long journey… 

Which is where I am right now…en la larga espera, en el  viaje. Es tan largo que he escrito una plegaria:

Dear G-O-D, I know I’ve prayed for you to bring me some long stuff in my life; but please, was it necessary to be THAT specific? Come on, Mr. G… it is not that difficult, I asked for:

“long sleeping-in-cuddling-moments”

 “long-lasting-mascara”

“long day at the beach”

“long meaningful relationship”

So, excuse You, but, I don’t recall asking for “long waiting time”

Amen

For those of you wondering, God has a really nice sense of humor...

Today is Monday, August 01, 2011.

First day of the month.

First day of the week.

And, of course the first day of the rest of my life (corny, but true).  

It is also mi primera entrada en espanglish.  Pourquia? Porque me da la gana. 

Don’t ask me how…But, as squared and perfection driven as I was, logré mantenerme fuera de aquel 8:00am-10:00pm Monday to Saturday job, a lunch hour, a you-better-walk- on- egg-shells-boss, a cubicle flooded with calendars, agendas, post its, post its post its and a plant, Docket…

Ive managed to, little by little, go with the flow…

No ha sido peaches and cream…  Leaving my square life was as tough as not going back to the awesome make up sex…

But, I live in present time…I seize the days…

And, I have no time to rely on memories as they might break me down… 

I have no space to recall the giggly moments as they might confuse me… 

I will not let my memory build my present as my life moves forward…

I must trust my own decisions, I must trust myself...

And, I work on it …todos los días…

I wait

I pray

I have faith

And, whenever I’m in doubt…cuando veo que la nevera está medio llena, los bills llegan al buzón y los federales call at random time to collect the school loan payments… Me acuerdo, del sexo apasionado, de las peleas subsiguientes y de los vacios del alma…

Entonces, reafirmo que mi lugar es aquí, contigo que me lees, conmigo que me vivo.